Forgivness

Okay, this blog entry is more for me than for you, but you might find it interesting anyway.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with. It’s not because I’m a heartless, uncaring person like some might think, but because when someone hurts me, I not only lose faith in them, but my trust is broken as well. I have a hard time letting go and moving on from what’s happened.

As my wonderful cousin, who loves astrology, has pointed out, it’s because I’m a true Leo. I can be proud, stubborn, and quick to anger. These traits can be difficult, I admit, but they also make me who I am: outgoing, friendly, sarcastic, funny, handsome, and very social.

That being said, I’ve been trying to change. I want to be able to forgive and move on without carrying anger, hurt, or ill feelings toward people who do stupid, hurtful things to me. The real challenge isn’t so much the forgiving—it’s the forgetting. When I see people who’ve broken my trust or damaged our relationship, everything that happened comes rushing back, and I quickly put up walls, limiting what I say and do around them.

So how do you truly forgive when you can’t forget? Is true forgiveness possible, or does the anger and hurt always linger in the back of your mind? I think forgiveness is about letting go of that one event, but once trust is broken, it can never fully be restored. The connection with that person will never be the same.

No Regrets!

I know it might sound strange, but I think I’ve finally found peace with my life. I always thought that as you get older, you’d look back and wish you’d done things differently or made other choices. It was something I always heard from my family—everyone had regrets about their lives. For a long time, I didn’t understand why. I figured it was just part of growing up. You do your best, and when things don’t work out, you think about what you could’ve done differently. But I always wondered: What could be so bad that you’d want to go back in time to change it?

Now, with age, I’ve realized that sometimes you do make bad choices, and they change things forever. But the funny thing is, if I hadn’t made those choices, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

It would be a shame not to be me. Honestly, I think I’m pretty great (not to toot my own horn or anything, but toot toot). 😜

Every mistake, bad decision, and crazy moment has led me to where I am now. I can honestly say there are things I’ll never do again, even if they were fun at the time. I’ll admit, I’ve done some stupid things and let myself be knocked down. But that’s life, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned from every experience and came out stronger in the end.

Twenty-six years go by fast, and life’s not always easy, especially when things aren’t going well. But you just put a smile on your face and keep pushing through the fire. It gets better with time, and I’m looking forward to making more mistakes in the next twenty years. I hope they’re as fun as the ones I’ve made so far!

No regrets, just LIFE.

Missing my friends like crazy!!!

I’m so grateful to be out of Alabama, but I can’t deny how much I miss my friends! I had an incredible circle of people in my life, and I wish I could tell them how sorry I am for sometimes taking them for granted and not spending more time with them. So many of you feel like family to me. You’ve been my strength through tough times, and you’ve never let me have a bad day. You’ve been my wingmen, drinking buddies, comedians, brothers, sisters, supporters, and true loves in my life.

I’m truly blessed and thankful to know each of you. I hope I can always return the love and support you’ve shown me. Just know that I love you and miss you terribly!

Alex
Thor
Nathan
Ray
Joshie
Tripp
Raquel
Kelly
Rebecca
Catherine
Magz
Chance
Ali
Frances
Felicia

To name just a few of you who have my friendship, love, and loyalty. Also, my shovel, baseball bat, duct tape, and silence whenever you need help with… “issues.” 😉

WTH my dear sweet yet confused EX!

A few of you know my ex. He’s as sweet as can be but can be a bit clueless at times. We broke up almost three years ago, and a year later, he married someone else. Understandably, I was upset, but I stayed friends with him because when you love someone, you love them for who they are, not just their mistakes.

To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of his wife, Melissa (or Mitzi, which sounds a bit like a stripper name, in my opinion). It might have been because she was with the man I spent six years with, teaching and growing with, but that’s neither here nor there.

After a year of marriage, my ex and Melissa ended things on very bad terms, and he left her. Even though we’ve mostly kept in touch through casual texts over the years, nothing too serious, he reached out again when he decided to leave his wife. At first, I didn’t engage much, but then he begged me to call him. He wanted to talk about how much he missed me, how he hadn’t been happy since we were together, and how I was the only one who ever really loved him.

Now, let’s pause for a second. Take a deep breath, because this is where it gets crazy.

So, after all of that, he’s asking me to come see him across the country. Can you say, “What the hell?” Because I sure can.

After everything we went through—six years of living together, loving each other, making plans, paying bills, and then he just drops me and walks away. How can he come back, like nothing happened, and expect me to just pick up where we left off?

I’ve been polite, caring, and concerned for his well-being because, despite everything, I do still care for him. We’ve kept in touch, but I’m not weak. I can’t get back with someone who is still legally married, hasn’t apologized for how he treated me, and I no longer trust or love like I did. My heart has healed, and I’ve come to value his friendship, but that’s all I can offer now.

Maybe, if it’s meant to be, things will change down the road. But for now, I’m happy being with myself, growing and learning into the person I hope to be. As for him, I wish him the best and hope he finds the happiness he deserves.