Misunderstood: Setting the Record Straight

I don’t understand how some people feel they know me better than I know myself. According to a few, I’m apparently on a mission to find a partner and settle down, I drink every day, I’m a slut, and I think I’m better than everyone else. Really? Did you climb into my head and start thinking for me?

Here’s the truth: I was in a relationship for six years, and from that, I learned that I’m not ready to settle down. I need time to focus on myself and simply date.

As for the claim that I think I’m better than others—let’s be real. I’m probably one of the most self-conscious people you’ll meet. I struggle with feeling like I don’t measure up. I don’t think I’m better or worse than anyone else; I’m just me. I understand that everyone has their battles, and I don’t believe anyone is perfect. It would be hypocritical of me to think I’m above anyone else.

Now, the "slut" label? That one cracks me up. I’ve slept with far fewer people than half the people talking about me. Yes, I’ve been known to make out and flirt shamelessly from time to time, but that’s the extent of it. I’m not out here getting laid left and right, and I’d happily admit it if I were. But that’s simply not true.

As for drinking, I’m a social drinker. I go out once or twice a week with friends and have a beer or two. Who doesn’t? I’m not an everyday drinker, and I’m certainly not a regular at the ABC store. I’m not planning on visiting any rehab centers, but if you feel the need to judge, maybe take a look at your own habits first. Don’t call the kettle black if you don’t want your own flaws pointed out. After all, just as you talk about me, others are probably talking about you too.

Learning to Love Myself

We all have a few things about ourselves that we don’t find attractive, and it can be tough to learn to love those parts. Body image is a complex thing, and it’s hard to make progress if you don’t first learn to love yourself. For years, I’ve struggled with my weight and my hairy chest, but I’m working on it. I’ve come to realize that my view of myself isn’t necessarily how others see me.

Last night was a breakthrough for me. Thanks to a dinner party and a Britney Glee viewing event, I found the courage not just to show my body to my friends, but to the entire gay community of Tuscaloosa. I went out wearing nothing but an open blazer, a tie, a smile, and a hot pair of red Jessica Simpson heels—just for fun. (Shoutout to Elizabeth for the shoe loan!)

Looking over the pictures today, I was surprised to find that I wasn’t as hard on myself as I thought I’d be. That’s mostly because my friends had my back, and I had an absolute blast dancing and showing the world—and myself—that for one night, I didn’t care about anyone’s opinions or my flaws. I felt attractive and truly comfortable in my own skin.

It felt amazing to embrace myself physically for just one night. I’m so used to covering up my flaws, trying to look heavier, and hiding my chest as much as possible. But maybe this is a sign that I’m growing more comfortable with who I am. I’m proud of myself for this step forward.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Ever have one of those days where you take a little stroll down memory lane and start wondering, what if? Well, that was me this morning after stumbling across an old picture of one of my exes. To protect the not-so-innocent, we’ll stick with initials—and if you know them, oh well. That’s why they’re exes!

The picture I found was from my first real relationship with a guy—D.K. At the time, he was 5'8", had spiky blond hair, blue eyes, and a 29-inch waist. Sounds good, right? He was—aside from the lying, drugs, and cheating. (For the record, every guy mentioned in this blog has done at least one, if not all, of those things to me.)

Curiosity got the best of me, so I did what any Facebook-savvy person would do—I stalked him to see how he’s doing now. LOL!

To my horror (and slight delight), I discovered he had gotten fat. So naturally, I decided to look up all five of my major relationships. And guess what? All but two of them are huge! And I don’t mean a little chubby—I mean going from a 29-inch waist to barely squeezing into a 40-inch waist, with their guts spilling over their belts.

D.K., J.P., A.B.—all fat!

I guess when you screw over the guy who kept you motivated, active, and actually eating healthy, Karma decides to take revenge on your ass—literally.

Now, as for the other two, I was surprised to find one of them, T.P.M., moved back to town—and he’s still alive. Honestly, I didn’t expect that, considering the hardcore drugs he was using and hiding from me back in the day. He came from small-town old money, was a smooth talker, and a passionate lover. But once I found out about the drugs and made it clear I wasn’t okay with it, he seemed to clean up. Unfortunately, just like Lindsay Lohan, he couldn’t stop—he just got better at hiding it. Now, he looks years older than he is and works as a bag boy at a local store.

As for the last one? Well… let’s just say he went from being a cute, artsy twink with potential to a dropout loser in record time. Always drunk or high, willing to use whoever it takes to get there. Now, he’s living back home with his parents. Honestly, he could have been a great artist.

I know I shouldn’t be happy about this, but I’d be lying if I said Karma’s little dose of justice didn’t put a smile on my face. Still, I’m grateful I didn’t let any of them drag me down with them. It’s good to take a look back sometimes—to see the roads we didn’t take and why.

That said, I do hope my exes find happiness, and I genuinely wish them the best in life.

God and Karma, please forgive me.

Respect Isn’t That Hard

 Maybe it’s just me, but the concept of respect doesn’t seem that difficult to grasp. It’s simple: treat others the way you’d want to be treated. If you claim to respect your friends and loved ones, then show it—through your actions and words. If someone asks you a question, tell them the truth. There’s no need to lie. A real friend will accept your answer, no matter what it is, as long as it’s honest.

Now, if I let you stay with me for a few days so you can find a place and a job, please respect my wishes. If all I ask is that you don’t have people over while I’m not home, then don’t have people over. I’m giving you free room and board, clothes when you need them, and food and drinks. The least you can do is go to your friend’s (or trick’s) place if you want to hang out. Having strangers in my home when I’m not there is a serious violation of my comfort zone and trust. And honestly, it’s awkward as hell to walk into my house and see some random guy sitting on my couch staring at me. No matter how cute he is, my first thoughts are: shoot, run, and—on second glance—maybe even rape (LOL).

I love my friends and family, and God knows I’ll do anything to help them when they need it. But I just wish they understood that sometimes I need help too. Like everyone else, I have hard times, and every once in a blue moon, I could use a shoulder to lean on. The least you can do is clean up if you’re going to bring people over uninvited. I hate my place looking like a mess. I only have time to clean on my off days, which are early in the week, so if people drop by on the weekends, it might look like I never clean.

Let’s just be respectful—to everyone—regardless of who they are and how we know them. I believe in Karma, and I know she can be a real bitch if you screw her over. So show some love and remember to treat others how you’d want to be treated!

God bless.

Where Have All the Good Guys Gone?

I’m genuinely lost on where all the good guys have vanished to. And no, I’m not talking about the tweaked-out, drunk, tranny messes or the twinks who practically live at the local gay bars. I mean the sweet, romantic guys—the ones who enjoy a night out now and then but prefer spending time with close friends or the guy they’re seeing. Why is it so easy to find the wrong kind of guy but never the one you actually need in your life?

I’m not asking for Mr. Right—I don’t think I’m ready for him yet. But I do love the idea of being in love and having a committed relationship (or as committed as two gay men can be—let’s be real, men are whores). I’m fine with a little play, as long as it’s upfront and preferably involves me. And yeah, that might sound a bit jaded, but when have I ever been PC?

I’d like to find someone I can actually spend time with, maybe even settle down with one day—but not just yet. I’m still young. Partnership can wait at least until I hit 30, which is still a few years away from my “23ish” life right now. If something serious happens before then, I won’t fight it, but I just want more than the random tricks and the exhausting cycle of one or two bad dates.

I want someone to hold at night. Someone I can call just to talk about our day. Someone to have a nice dinner with. Nothing too serious—just something that feels like more than a hookup, but not quite a husband situation yet. Every once in a while, this world can feel a little lonely, and it would be nice to have someone there. Does that make sense without sounding like a romance novel turned cheesy Lifetime movie?

Wow, I’m rambling about finding someone like a teenage fat girl two weeks before prom—right after realizing Edward Cullen is actually just some pasty English dude with bad teeth. Ugh. I hate the idea of being that guy. And yet, here I am, realizing there’s not much difference between gay men looking for love and women looking for love—except that gay men usually dress better and have more options. (Even if those options suck.)

Oh well, here’s hoping that something—or someone—good is just around the corner.

Welcoming Fall

Tonight is one of those perfect, crisp evenings. A cool breeze is in the air, and the stars are shining bright. I’m already thinking about breakfast on the front porch tomorrow—French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and a cup of lemon tea. Sounds like the perfect way to start the day.

Fall is almost here, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’m tempted to start decorating already—it’s my favorite season, after all. I can’t wait to bring out the warm crimson and burnt orange décor, hang silver lights, and fill the house with the scent of rich autumn candles. There’s just something about this time of year that always makes me smile. And who knows? Maybe this year, I’ll be curled up by the fire with a cute guy and a cup of hot cocoa. Fall is the perfect season for love and romance.

And let’s not forget—fall means college football! Alabama takes the field for its first game this Saturday, and I’ll be tailgating for a bit before heading to work. Thankfully, I’ll have the radio with me to keep up with the game and cheer on the Crimson Tide. Roll Tide Roll!

Yes, this “skinny gay guy” is a hardcore Bama football fan. Growing up in the South, I’ve always loved sports—it happens, deal with it! I’m counting down the days until I can be off work for a home game, spending the day on campus with fellow fans. If you’re not already a fan, you should definitely tune in this season. Alabama has 13 National Championships—need I say more?

One of Those Days

Ever had one of those days where everything seems to pile up, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated? Well, welcome to my today. Between work projects, family obligations, bills, and household tasks, my to-do list is never-ending.

I started my day with the best intentions, determined to tackle my projects. But as soon as I checked one thing off, five more seemed to appear. Just when I finally felt like I was making progress, I got a call from a friend at 6 p.m. with a lovely update—my landlord is coming by tomorrow. Oh, and the lawn needs to be mowed, and the house needs to be spotless.

Now, let’s break this down:

• It’s getting dark.
• I work nights and have been going nonstop all day.
• I just got out of the shower and am getting ready for work.

So, no, I’m not about to mow the lawn at 6 p.m., especially when I’ve been the only one keeping this house clean while others have done… well, nothing.

That said, I’ll be the bigger person and take care of the lawn in the morning after my shift. On the bright side, the floors are swept and mopped, the counters are wiped down, and the living room is finally free of the chaos that once consumed it. The house is cleaner than it was before I moved in, and honestly, I finally feel comfortable in it.

Now, time to get through the rest of the day. Wish me luck!

Dating in the Gay Community: Navigating the Shark Tank

Dating in the gay community can feel like diving into a pool of sharks—it’s survival of the fittest. When an attractive guy walks into a bar, it’s feeding time. Blood has been spilled over fresh faces before, and it probably will be again.

Gay men often date and socialize within overlapping circles, which makes navigating relationships tricky. If you live by the rule, "never date a friend’s ex," you’re eliminating about 80% of your dating pool. The reality is, whether you have a handful of close friends or a thousand casual acquaintances, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll cross paths with someone who’s been with someone you know.

I used to say I’d never date a close friend’s ex, but as I’ve gotten older (and realized how limited the dating scene is, especially in Alabama), my perspective has shifted. The truth is, everyone knows someone who has dated the guy you’re interested in. Whether intentional or not, sooner or later, it happens.

So, what’s the right move when considering dating a friend’s ex? Do you ask for permission to avoid the awkward "I’m dating John Doe…" conversation, followed by "You did what?! You skank! You stole my man!" Or do you just go for it and deal with the fallout later?

Personally, I think honesty is the best approach. If you’re crushing on someone, it’s better to be upfront with your friends. This way, they have the chance to voice their feelings, and you can also get the inside scoop on your potential date before wasting time (or money) on someone who might not be worth it.

Right now, my dating life is in a surprisingly good place—after a long dry spell. Summer wasn’t exactly my season for romance, but with fall on the horizon, a promising new possibility has come along. We’ll see how things unfold, and I’ll be sure to keep you updated!